Worst thing about depression

Besides being de-motivated and tired, the worst thing about depression is, there’s always this extra stuff to do.  Like you have to work through your issues with a therapist, or undo all the damage or twisted emotions you’ve lived with in the past, and at the same time trying to live and do normal chores and move forward with your life.  It’s that “everything at once” feeling, its so overwhelming.  Sometimes I don’t know where to start, I mean, do I clean the house because it looks like a mess, or work on my issues and try to relax because I need that also?

And then I have to take care of my health, if I neglect that and pig out, I would feel guilty.

I’m pretty skinny it’s just that the perfectionist comes out.  I want to eat right, I have to check the contents of food.  I have to check the prices of things.  I’m trying to work out of this saving money crazy mentality because my mother always did that.  But saving money was also some kinda security for me, because I finally did save up enough money to move away from the house, so I got kinda attached to doing it.  It’s even enjoyable sometimes, kind of like people doing Sudoku.  It’s just that familiar feeling, you know you work out stuff, it’s about solving stuff.  Gives me a sense of pride in it.  It’s kind of like playing that Jewel Quest Solitaire.

So I think I can hang on to that until I earn big bucks, but I try to be efficient and not linger too much comparing prices, because sometimes that’s also very tiring.

 

Secondly, or really mainly, it’s also the lack of motivation, and the disorganised chaos.

I feel like my life is some moving “To-do list” at the moment, just never getting anywhere, and just getting past the usual hurdles of life.  It gets really boring like that.  It’s hard for anything to motivate me, like money, or success. I only seem motivated when something inspires me, but the lack of energy means I don’t seem to be moving towards my goals, only jumping over hurdles that come my way.