Sunday, July 26, 2009

Day 4: Saying the difficult stuff instead of avoiding it

Took 5mg again.

Having woken up in mental pain, around 7am, at first I was thinking I should up my dosage but really I just left it as it is to be consistent and to still feel alright.

Having told my bf last night that I needed stuff to be consistent, and that he said ‘Then I’m probably not the right one for you’, don’t know if he was being funny, but that' was a really crappy thing to say, and I’m ready to stop being his gf and acting like that and just be friends with him, because obviously I can’t handle it anymore.  Have been trying to break up with him or feeling like it every 3 days or so at the start.  Lately it was a little better, but never reaching the kind of standards I want in a bf, like very basic things, like constantly actually being my bf.  I don’t think he’s capable because he’s incapacitated by his own depression or problems.

Ready to keel over in pain, the backpain is reall ybad. i should take naproxen at night, it helps me sleep.  Half a parecetemol didn’t really work :( (now i wonder if half of that works for anything at all.

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