Day 1: 5mg of Escitalopram

So I've taken 5mg of escitalopram today, just starting again, to see how it goes.
I kinda probably needed the support when writing that previous post (don't know how fast it's metabolised), cos i felt like crying. At least I won't be breaking down.

Half way while writing the previous post, I already started feeling kind of relieved and upbeat. Maybe because I was releasing the emotions and 'secrets' I had pent up all those years. All those years of silence. But each time I think or write about it, it touches a pain so deep that the tears just start welling up. It was hidden all those years. So many friends I couldn't talk to, my parents friends, my own friends. Some of my own friends ignored me, even when I said something general like, "I'm not getting along with my parents", they just ignored the statement entirely and didn't write anything back (my best friend had moved overseas so I was writing her letters). And then she started ignoring me completely by ending contact, don't know if it was on her own accord or to do with her mom, I think her mom didn't like me, I stayed at her place for a month while visiting my best friend. Her dad liked me, and was very kind to me, in some way I got scared again, because my own dad's kindness would mean something else. I get very frightened of any older men liking me. All my bf's have been younger than me. I can't imagine even knowing people all that old, but the thought I find quite vile, because I think they must only like me because I'm younger, and it's lust.