I have this overbearing mother in my head that makes me save money on everything. It’s like brainwashing. the only thing she taught was saving money. She didn’t give me any joy, any presents. She didn’t allow other people to give to me. It was mostly saving money, and looking good in front of other people. She didn’t want to ‘owe’ anything, so she didn’t even want my aunties to treat me to a cafe visit etc.
Can’t live like this anymore though.
Well, it started snowing today. IT felt like rain because its still not cold enough for it to stay as ice, its only autumn.
It’s cold, and I didnt have my gloves with me, and only a light autumn jacket.
I couldn’t find all the extra pairs of gloves I bought and wondered where they were.
Well, when I wake up I feel pretty shitty, but maybe everyone does :o.
My liver can’t handle the antidepressants, or any kind of drug for that matter, my back and chest start to hurt and my fingers go numb, on most drugs (painkillers, antidepressants).
I got this kinda blocked up kinda pain after a while, don’t know if its worms or what, even had some breast pain while i was walking, they just seemed more sensitive. have some back pain on the right side, dunno, must be working?
Well, happily, somehow I’m getting rid of my pinworm infection. Was that why I had been depressed, or was this recent?
Either way its really gross to see tho.
I realised I’m not actually depressed (not at the moment anyway), since getting all this rest and eating very restrictively.
It’s more or less that I get plagued by thoughts, thoughts from the past, stuff that has happened.
But the more and more I look at it, I’ve kept that stuff really close, whereas the people involved have already moved on and forgotten it already, and changed. So I’m actually free now, or supposed to. I just have to mourn away the pain and the old times. I still feel nostalgia for some good times though. It’s hard to totally let go of the past, but its refreshing to see I’m changing. My skin looks better, less stress, more vitamins and anti-oxidants, more rest :)
Well, after 3 days of intense spinal pain and general lower back pain, I decided to stop all meds, including both the antidepressant, and the paracetemol. So yesterday I was in quite a lot of numbing pain. Went out to lunch with a friend and survived, but didn’t have much appetite. Came home, hardly ate anything more for dinner. Yet, today I woke up feeling alot better. It was actually in the morning that I felt all my back pain disappear, I was really surprised. But I got it back again after I ate some lunch, just some random stuff, some watermelon, some spinach, a piece of chicken. That was it.
Yet i still feel alot better. Mind is clear, less backpain.
Been eating alot of Nori too (roasted seaweed), seems to help for some reason when I have backpain. It has a lot of iron anyway.
Might help me sleep but NSAIDs can cause liver damage. I still use it for my period pain tho, only thing that works really. But my back is starting to hurt and its not doing anything about it, its like hurting more since i started taking antidepressant and that .
Don’t know if I haven’t slept long enough (it’s probable), but my eyes felt a bit itchy and dry for some reason, and im pretty tired, either:
The antidepressant makes me tired
or im not getting enough sleep. Might have to try take it in the night then..
After having a laugh off with a few posts from the Engrish blogs (there’s a few of them), I can actually feel that serotonin circulating round now. yipppppee. my head feels a-ok now. and naproxen kicked in… sweet sweet naproxen.
Took 5mg again.
Having woken up in mental pain, around 7am, at first I was thinking I should up my dosage but really I just left it as it is to be consistent and to still feel alright.
Having told my bf last night that I needed stuff to be consistent, and that he said ‘Then I’m probably not the right one for you’, don’t know if he was being funny, but that' was a really crappy thing to say, and I’m ready to stop being his gf and acting like that and just be friends with him, because obviously I can’t handle it anymore. Have been trying to break up with him or feeling like it every 3 days or so at the start. Lately it was a little better, but never reaching the kind of standards I want in a bf, like very basic things, like constantly actually being my bf. I don’t think he’s capable because he’s incapacitated by his own depression or problems.
Ready to keel over in pain, the backpain is reall ybad. i should take naproxen at night, it helps me sleep. Half a parecetemol didn’t really work :( (now i wonder if half of that works for anything at all.
